Archive for the 'life with Gee' Category

Meeting Gee

This is the very first photo of Gee and I together that I e-mailed out to our friends back in September of 1999. This was taken in her new apartment when she first moved to Seattle for grad school. We had just gotten engaged when this photo was taken on September 19, 1999, two months […]

For the Common Good

Nicholas Kristof writes about Scott Androes, a college friend of his that had taken a gamble and is paying the price. You can read the two columns about Scott here and here. The story of Scott Androes hits home for me. In many ways it would have been Gee’s story had she and I not […]

Remembering 2001

This was posted by my friend Pam as her status on Facebook today. “On this day we are reminded of how fragile life is. Cherish and love your family and friends. Tell them you love and appreciate them every single day. You never can know if you will ever see them again.” Eleven years ago […]

The Strongest Woman In The World

I watched this and thought to myself how Gee and I had basically said everything this man had said to his wife to each other. Gee never gave up. She is the strongest, most stubborn and most gracious woman I have ever known. I was very lucky to have shared my life with her for […]

Remembering Gee

Eleven years ago today I said goodbye to my beautiful and gracious wife Gee. She had finally lost her battle with pancreatic cancer. She was diagnosed with stage three metastatic pancreatic cancer six months after we got engaged. The day after she was diagnosed, her father came to me and asked if I wanted to […]

Why Do You Love Me?

Gee used to ask me this when we were dating. My answer took her a long time to figure out. I would reply, “Because you’re you”. It took her months to figure out that I meant I loved her unconditionally and always. It wasn’t based on who her parents were, how much money she made, […]

To Fight For Her

Twelve years ago today, I was asked if I wanted to cancel my engagement to Gee by her father. Gee had been just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer–and though we did not yet know it, it had already metastasized through her lymphatic system. I looked at my future father-in-law and said, “Gee’s illness doesn’t change how […]

Scars and Imperfections has a really great article on scars, imperfections and differences… My favorite part is the concluding paragraph where it says: “I know life for Abigail – and Natalie and Johan and Frank and everybody else wounded or scarred or born different — is more complicated than that. The things that make us stand out […]

In Sickness and In Health

I’ve been thinking about Gee and Ellie a lot recently. It is strange to think about the two women I love most. In many ways, the relationships I have with them are very different—yet in some ways they share a lot of similarities. When I first spoke with Gee, I knew I was going to […]

Happiness Lost

“Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.” —Denis Waitley I guess this explains why Gee was such a happy person, in spite of all that she went through. Brad was right when he said, “There are some days […]

Message In A Bottle

This weekend, I was thinking of Gee and Ellie, the two women I love most…and decided to watch a movie that reminds me of them both for a lot of reasons. The movie, Message In A Bottle, is one that Gee and I saw in a movie theater when it still playing. The second time […]

Common Denominators

Someone recently asked me if I love Ellie because she reminds me of Gee. That was a question I hadn’t heard before. The answer is no. While there are some things about Ellie that do remind me of Gee, I would say that they are more the common denominators of all the women I love. […]

Happy Valentine’s Day

Wishing all my blog readers a Happy Valentine’s Day. More importantly, I want to remember the beautiful woman I married on what would have been her birthday. To me, today will always be first and foremost Gee’s birthday, and then Valentine’s Day. Remembering Gee’s birthday was always easy—since Madison Avenue makes sure I have six […]

The Two Women I Love Most…

As Valentine’s Day approaches, two women are on my mind. They are the two women I love most of all, and both are in my thoughts every day. One was born on Valentine’s Day and I was lucky enough to marry her. She passed away over a decade ago and I miss her every day. […]

What If…

There are times when you make decisions and the results make you ask “What if?” Those “What Ifs?” can drive you crazy. One such decision for me happened nearly 25 years ago, when my twin left on a drive back to San Diego, headed back to school. This is the first time I am writing […]

Honoring Commitments

Two symbols of commitment—the wedding band that Gee gave me and the turkshead bracelet I made for Ellie. I wear them both to honor the memories of these two amazing women and to show the life-long commitment I made to each of them. Last summer, before I realized the extent of Ellie’s addictions, I promised […]

Would I Do It Again?

The Serenity Prayer or Neibhur’s Prayer starts with an almost universally recongized: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. My friend Grant wrote that being a twin isn’t always easy, but he wouldn’t trade it […]

A Handful of Dust

I will show you fear in a handful of dust —The Waste Land, T.S. Eliot I don’t think that most people actually fear death, I think we fear that no one will notice our absence—that we will disappear without a trace. Ellie need never fear this, because she will always be missed by me. Though […]

Etta James, RIP

Etta James, probably best known for her song At Last, just passed away. It’s sad to hear for me because Etta and At Last were what Gee and I picked for our wedding 12 years ago. We didn’t even have to discuss it…it was the first choice for both of us. Even today, over […]

Food and Memory

Today, I had cheese stuffed tortellini for the first time in over a decade. It is strange, but I didn’t realize that I hadn’t bought or made this type of pasta in over ten years, even though it was always one of my favorites. It was also a dish that I cooked a lot for […]

The Weather Goddess

A little over ten-and-a-half years ago, Gee came home for the last time. It was Thursday, June 7th, 2001. She had been released from the hospital, where she had been since May 28th, Memorial Day, for home hospice care. As I carried her into the house, what she said to me was bittersweet. She said, […]

Another Year

This month marks another year that has passed by. This particular time of year is among the most difficult for me for many reasons. This year it has been the most difficult of my life thus far in many ways, and this year–2011–is one that I will be very happy to see end…for 2012 must […]

One More Day

When I first heard One More Day, I was driving Gee’s little Saturn, and nearly drove off the road because of the tears that made seeing the road almost impossible. It sums up what I felt after she died better than any words I could express myself. This is one of my favorite songs…I believe […]

Happy Anniversary

Happy Anniversary Gee. I wish you were still here. It is hard to believe that you’ve been gone for over ten years now…and that it has been 11 years since I was lucky enough to marry you. It is even harder to realize that you’ve been gone for more than five times as long as […]

Commitments—Past and Future

I’ve been thinking a lot about this upcoming Friday, which would have been my 11th wedding anniversary if Gee were still alive. It is pretty hard to believe that it has been 11 years since that amazing day that we got married. I still get compliments on our wedding…and asking Gee to marry me was […]

Protected: A letter to Ellie

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.


I am really disgusted by how little the wedding vows mean to so many people today. Apparently, the idea of making and keeping a commitment to someone when you say your vows is an unusual concept. Just look at Woods, Weiner, Schwarznegger, Edwards, and so many others. The list goes on and on. What part […]

On Writing

Much of what I have written here on Adrift At Sea is sailing-related, though the blog was not originally started for that purpose, despite the nautically themed name.  I have written a fair number of technical articles related to the systems on sailboats.  While writing these, I’ve tried to keep the writing accessible for novices, […]

Conversations and Discoveries

Over the past few days, I’ve realized a few things about Ellie that I had not thought of before talking with several friends of mine. The conversations I’ve had with them about Ellie and what she has come to mean to me have been very enlightening—bringing up insights that probably would have taken me months […]

Life With Gee—Act Three

I have been working on a book about what Gee and I went through in the short 23 months and one day we were together. However, I haven’t really been able to write the book and couldn’t understand why until this week. This week I finally realized what had been keeping me from really working on the book. The problem was I did not know the how the book would end. This week, I think I finally figured it out—but the ending has yet to be written.