Archive for the 'Life with Ellie' Category

One Last Chance

Today is a bittersweet day. I will be going to see Lauren Elizabeth Kelley for what will likely be the very last time. I will find out today if there is anything left of the amazing young woman that I have loved for over 20 years–all of her life. Today, she has a choice to [...]

Honoring Lauren

Recently, I was at the local West Marine delivering a pair of snack sized cheesecakes to my friend Maddie. She and I started talking and she asked me why I made them. I thought about it for a minute and realized that the reason I have been making snack-sized cheesecakes and delivering them, in some [...]

The Hardest Thing

I used to think that marrying Gee, even though I knew I was going to lose her in the end, was one of the hardest things I would ever do. I now realize that marrying her and spending every moment I could with her was the easiest thing in the world because every moment I [...]

Student Punished for Doing the Right Thing

Over on the Huffington Post there’s an article about a young woman who is getting punished for doing the right thing. I really have to wonder what school officials think they are doing by punishing this young woman for doing what is pretty clearly the right thing to do. What does the school expect students [...]

Closing Doors

Can’t sleep again. Woke up from another nightmare… I hope it isn’t a vision of things to come… but, given what she’s been doing, it will likely come true sooner or later. I expect that the next time I hear from her family directly will likely be her mother calling me when the worst happens. [...]

Walking Away Because I Have No Other Choice

It took me most of these last two years, one month and nineteen days to realize what the fundamental, underlying causes of Lauren Elizabeth Kelley’s addictions were, and it took me most of the first two or three months to truly understand that Lauren Elizabeth Kelley, my beautiful freckled redhead, was a drug addicted alcoholic. [...]

Broken Pottery

My wonderful niece Ellice wrote this as her status update on Facebook earlier today. I think the idea behind it is wonderful and beautiful, but something that not all people are capable of doing. When pottery breaks in japan, they adhere the pieces back together with gold or something other that is precious to signify [...]

My Gift To Lauren Elizabeth

There are many moments I remember from the years I have loved Lauren Elizabeth Kelley, cared for Lauren Elizabeth Kelley and been friends with Lauren Elizabeth Kelley. Here are some of my favorites, in no particular order… Watching the adorable freckle-faced, redheaded toddler of two people I have considered family for over a decade throw [...]

The Strongest Woman In The World

I watched this and thought to myself how Gee and I had basically said everything this man had said to his wife to each other. Gee never gave up. She is the strongest, most stubborn and most gracious woman I have ever known. I was very lucky to have shared my life with her for [...]

Remembering Gee

Eleven years ago today I said goodbye to my beautiful and gracious wife Gee. She had finally lost her battle with pancreatic cancer. She was diagnosed with stage three metastatic pancreatic cancer six months after we got engaged. The day after she was diagnosed, her father came to me and asked if I wanted to [...]


There’s an interesting blog on parenting called Momastery. It was started by Glennon Melton. I found it through a former colleague of mine who posted a link to it on Facebook. I only am writing about it because of Glennon’s own past. She was a bulimic, alcoholic and drug-addict before she managed to fight her [...]

A Prayer For Ellie

It is the end of the semester. Her finals are starting this week. I don’t know how she has been doing this semester, but part of me prays that she has done well enough to keep her scholarship. Without the scholarship she can not afford to stay in the college that she has picked for [...]

Why Do You Love Me?

Gee used to ask me this when we were dating. My answer took her a long time to figure out. I would reply, “Because you’re you”. It took her months to figure out that I meant I loved her unconditionally and always. It wasn’t based on who her parents were, how much money she made, [...]

National Honesty Day

Today’s is National Honesty Day. Today is a day I think about one of the most honest people I have ever known–Ellie. Before her addictions took over her life, she was one of the sweetest, most honest and most compassionate people I knew. Now, she lies constantly and sees nothing wrong with it as far [...]

God Gave Me You

Added more Blake Shelton to the music collection. I particularly like this video of Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton for his song “God Gave Me You”. I just wish Ellie would listen to the words of this song and realize that I am here for her and love her. My commitment to her is a [...]

Two Days Sober—A Crying Out Now Post

Here’s another post from the Crying Out Now blog. I don’t drink. Reading people’s stories on forums yesterday made me think that perhaps my drinking habits are not that bad. The stories didn’t shock me – although they did make me sad – but they did give me a moment’s pause: I don’t physically or [...]

It’s not going to be easy

“So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s going to be really hard; we’re gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me… everyday.” –Nicholas Sparks This is something very similar to what I told Ellie years ago [...]

To Fight For Her

Twelve years ago today, I was asked if I wanted to cancel my engagement to Gee by her father. Gee had been just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer–and though we did not yet know it, it had already metastasized through her lymphatic system. I looked at my future father-in-law and said, “Gee’s illness doesn’t change how [...]

It Is Called Love

When people care too much, When anything you do affects them, When they look forward to what you will say to certain things, When they wait for the next day to arrive only so they can talk to you again, When they find a way to put you in every context of their everyday talk, [...]

Brutal Truths

There’s another really amazing post on the Crying Out Now blog. The article talks about how hitting rock bottom for an alcoholic doesn\’t necessarily have to resemble a scene from the A&E TV series Intervention. Here are some brutal truths from a woman now eight months sober: If you’re still drinking, here’s what I want [...]

Be Hated, Love Someone….

Adrian Tan spoke at the convocation of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information in 2008. His speech was titled: Don’t Work, Be Hated, Love Someone. I found his speech on a blog post that was recommended to me by a friend. I am quoting some of his speech, as I believe it [...]

Easter Sunday

Today is Easter Sunday. In the Christian faith, it is a day of celebration, for Jesus Christ was resurrected from death on this day. The season of Lent is one of prayer, penance, death and resurrection. It is a season of hope, renewal and faith. Even though Easter holds some sad memories for me, I [...]

God’s Will and God’s Grace

On this most holy of weekends, between the day Christ was crucified and the day he was resurrected, I have been thinking about God’s Will and God’s Grace a lot. A beautiful woman I know and love, whose birthday is today, once said: “God’s Will will never take you where God’s Grace can not protect [...]

Happy Birthday To Three of My Favorite People

Today is a very special day, since three of the people I care about most were born today. I want to wish my nephew Nick, my adopted big brother Brian and most of all, Ellie–the woman I love most of all–a very happy birthday. I hope that today finds brings them health, happiness and a [...]

Her Laughter

I don’t really know if she is still out there reading what I write. If she is, and I hope that some part of the amazing woman I love still survives and is reading what I write and cares about what I say, I want her to know that one of the things I miss [...]

People In Our Lives

The people in our lives who love us are a gift to us. We don’t know how long we will have them for, and we should always make sure that they know how much they mean to us. In some cases, we lose them very suddenly, like I did my twin when he was killed [...]

Visions of Her Future

On the Crying Out Now blog, there is a post that I fear will repeat itself with someone I love. The post starts with the following words: “Like most people, I’m not really sure where or why my life started to fall apart and alcohol started to take over my life. What I do know [...]

In Sickness and In Health

I’ve been thinking about Gee and Ellie a lot recently. It is strange to think about the two women I love most. In many ways, the relationships I have with them are very different—yet in some ways they share a lot of similarities. When I first spoke with Gee, I knew I was going to [...]

What We Can Handle

I was hoping that this year was going to be better than last year. If it is going to turn out that way, I’m having a really tough time seeing it right now. I know that God never gives us more than we can handle…and right now, I’m dealing with everything on my plate, but [...]

Moving On

“It’s possible to go on, no matter how impossible it seems, and that in time, the grief…lessens. It may not go away completely, but after a while it’s not so overwhelming.” I am moving on with my life, and it no longer includes my beloved, feisty-spirited, red-headed, freckled Irish lass, Ellie. It is not easy [...]