Today is a bittersweet day. I will be going to see Lauren Elizabeth Kelley for what will likely be the very last time. I will find out today if there is anything left of the amazing young woman that I have loved for over 20 years–all of her life.
Today, she has a choice to make–she can do one of three things.
First, she can lie again and perjure herself once more to protect her father–the man that has abused her all of her life. I believe he has coerced her into perjuring herself for the last three years by threatening to withhold Lauren’s college tuition.
However, since she graduated from Emmanuel College back in May, her father no longer has that huge financial leverage over her, so she is far freer to make a choice decided by her conscience and heart than her fear of her father and need for education than she has been in the past three years.
Second, she can decide that she is honest enough and brave enough to not lie to protect the man who abused her all her life and made her perjure herself for the last three years. While this is not telling the truth, it is a step up from actively lying and participating in the defamation of the man she said she loves–the only person who has always been there for her all her life–me.
Third, she can decide that having defamed me for the last three years is wrong and she can take a stand and tell the truth about what her father made her do and how. She can tell the world that he coerced her into perjuring herself for the last three years.
However, I doubt this last one will happen. It would take a woman of courage, honesty and integrity to do that--something the drug-addicted alcoholic that I have seen for the last three years is not capabale of doing. The most likely result is that Lauren Elizabeth Kelley will perjure herself once more and protect her abuser, much as her mother has done for thirty years.
I have stood by my promise to Lauren Elizabeth Kelley and it has cost me my health. It has cost me physically, mentally, emotionally and financially.
I decided not to try and sue Lauren Elizabeth Kelley for defamation of character because she is not truly at fault for what has happened over the past three years. It is the fault of her father–John Walker Kelleyr\–a cowardly alcoholic bully that has been abusing his wife and children for the better part of the last three decade.
I am not willing to punish Lauren Elizabeth Kelley for the actions of her father. I know how difficult it is for abuse victims to stand up to their abusers because I too was abused by my own father. And, like Lauren Elizabeth Kelley, I chose to keep a relationship with him instead of walking away.
In fact, I have forgiven Lauren Elizabeth Kelley for all that has occurred during these last three years. Forgiving Lauren Elizabeth Kelley is my final gift to her. She can choose to see it as she will.While I believe it is up to Lauren Elizabeth Kelley to take responsibility for what she has done these past three years, it is her addictions and her father that are truly at fault for all that has happened.
Today, I will ask Lauren Elizabeth Kelley to tell the truth, or to at least not continue to lie. I doubt she will be able to do that. But, I can hope and pray that something of the amazing, strong, beautiful woman that said she loved me and wanted to name our children Kelly and Cadence three years ago still exists and is willing to do that much.
If she lies again, then I will truly know that nothing is left of the strong, beautiful, honest and loving woman that talked about having a future with Asians with freckles three years ago but the cowardly, drug-addicted alcoholic whore that has given up all of her compassion, integrity, honesty, morals, values, hope, dreams and love to the man that has abused her all of her life–nothing more than an echo of her own father and a mere shadow of the amazing woman God has always meant for her to be.
If she lies again, it means that Lauren Elizabeth Kelley has let her father win–something the woman that loves me would never do.
I know the truth of what has happened these past three years. I believe that Sue McMenamy Kelley, Lauren’s mother, also knows the truth and that is why she texted me “Dan, I know you will always be there for us.” as her last text message to me three years ago.
One day, Lauren’s addictions and drinking will catch up to her. I would hope that Sue would remember the man who has been her family’s friend for over thirty years and always stood to protect, teach and love them as his very own and call me to help my beautiful Lauren Elizbeth Kelley or, at the very least, be with her once again.
I pray that Lauren does not end up in jail, the hospital or dead because of her addictions and alcoholism. But the chances are far more likely that will not be the case–and it is likely that she will have to walk her long road to recovery alone if she does not reach out to me.
Today, I will see what decisions Lauren Elizabeth Kelley makes, possibly for the last time. I hope she chooses wisely.
Lauren Elizabeth Kelley can choose her future and a man that has always loved her or Lauren Elizabeth Kelley can choose her past of lies, pain and abuse with the father that has abused her all of her life.
If Lauren Elizabeth Kelley chooses her father then she will have proven nothing remains of the amazing woman that loved me and adored the Asians with freckles our children would have been.
Either way, I have done all I can. The ball is now in her court. I will not wait any longer. I will not watch her destroy herself any more. Lauren Elizabeth Kelley deserves whatever she chooses, though I hope she is wise enough, brave enough and strong enough to choose her future–the one we talked about three years ago–rather than her past and the continued pain and hurt it will cause.
I truly hope that Lauren Elizabeth Kelley does not make a choice that she will end up regretting for the rest of her life. It is said that we will regret the chances we did not take and the relationships we did not have…. I believe that this is the truth and that Lauren Elizabeth Kelley will regret not having taken a chance on us and the amazing future we talked about.
In the end, I think Bridget, her younger sister, was right when she told me that I was perfect for Lauren Elizabeth Kelley because no one else would ever love her as much or as perfectly as I did. After all, no one else has known her all of her life and seen all that she has gone through and seen what an amazing woman she had become in spite of all the hardships and abuse she had been subjected to–and no one else ever will.
God Bless you Lauren Elizabeth.
May God watch over you and protect you from all harm—even that you cause yourself.
I hope God gives you the strength to fight your addictions and the wisdom to see the truth about what the alcohol and drugs are doing to you.
I pray that God grants you the serenity and peace you will need to love yourself once again and to forgive yourself for the things your addictions have made you do.
I ask that God helps you find your way back to being the amazing, beautiful, intelligent, feisty, stubborn, strong, and devout woman He wants you to be.
Finally, may He grant you the ability to see yourself as I do and let you remember who we are to each other; let you remember the years of friendship, love and devotion we once shared; and give you the strength to make amends so we can start the future together we talked about last June.
All this in Jesus’s name I pray.