The Hardest Thing

Posted on Sunday 8 June 2014

I used to think that marrying Gee, even though I knew I was going to lose her in the end, was one of the hardest things I would ever do. I now realize that marrying her and spending every moment I could with her was the easiest thing in the world because every moment I spent with her was worth everything in the world. It was that way because of who Gee was and what she gave back to me was worth far more than being with her could have ever cost me. Every moment I spent with Gee was a gift and a blessing—even at the worst times of it all.

I realize that the last three years, three years I spent fighting for another woman I love—to try and help her fight her addictions and the father who has abused her all of her life is actually the hardest thing I have ever done.

Fighting for Ellie has cost me my health, my eyesight, and I have paid for my loyalty and devotion to Ellie psychologically, emotionally and financially—far beyond what the drug-addicted, lying, pathetic alcoholic she has become is worthy of or deserves.

Unlike my time with Gee, I have many regrets about Ellie and her family. Her father, someone I once considered a friend and family, is a narcissistic alcoholic that has abused his wife and children for the better part of 30 years. He has turned one of the most amazing and honest people I know into a wretched, pathetic liar. He is a cowardly bully that cares more about his own needs than his daughter’s health

Last summer, I chose to walk away from Ellie and her addictions. Her father is a vindictive bastard who has done all he can to get back at me for telling the simple truth about what happened to Ellie and what the root causes of her addictions and her problems with self-esteem really are—his own alcoholism and his years of emotional and psychological abuse of his wife and children.

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