Can’t sleep again.
Woke up from another nightmare… I hope it isn’t a vision of things to come… but, given what she’s been doing, it will likely come true sooner or later. I expect that the next time I hear from her family directly will likely be her mother calling me when the worst happens.
I now realize that Lauren Elizabeth Kelley isn’t smart enough to realize she has a serious problem with drugs and alcohol, even given the events of this past summer and this video that Mark, the neo-Nazi she was dating, posted.
Until she hits the hard rock bottom—ending up in the hospital, in jail, living on the street, flunking out of school or something equally bad—she will never admit she has a problem with drugs or alcohol. I just hope it happens before she spends her entire life a drug-addicted alcoholic much as her father has spent most of his life as an alcoholic in denial himself.
I wish I could stop caring, but that isn’t in my nature. Either is walking away, but her narcissism and the changes her addictions have made in her are too great to ignore and too painful to bear any longer.
This is whom Lauren Elizabeth Kelley has become:
Walking away was the only choice I had left and the only thing I could do after she perjured herself again to protect the monster that has abused her all of her life. Lauren Elizabeth Kelley really doesn’t understand what it means to care about someone or how to love someone or be loved by someone, since she’s never really seen it herself—certainly not in her own family because the relationship between her parents isn’t anything that anyone could call love—it is one of fear and control.
I still wish her well, but know that moving on is the right thing for me to do. Hopefully, I have learned something from this, though it will take a while for me to figure out all the lessons that trying to save the woman I love has left behind.
I pray for her everyday still—I probably always will. I also hope that other doors will open now that I finally closing this door. I will grieve for Lauren Elizabeth Kelley and mourn the future we had once talked about, but it is time to move on.
Even as much as I love Lauren Elizabeth Kelley—the drug-addicted alcoholic she has become that would rather prostitute herself for the drugs and alcohol her addictions require and perjure herself to protect the monster that has abused her all of her life just isn’t worth fighting for.
Her addictions have turned her into a narcissistic monster that is as bad as Jarrod or Mark could ever have been—a monster just like her father. It is likely that Lauren Elizabeth Kelley will spend years trapped in the same cycle of abuse and addiction that her father has been trapped in all his life—a life spent being so much less than what God intended for her to be.
I doubt it was ever God’s Will or Plan that Lauren Elizabeth Kelley prostitute herself for the drugs and alcohol her addictions require. I doubt God ever wanted her to lie and perjure herself to protect her father from having to confront his own addiction to alcohol. I know that God never would have wanted her to hurt and defame me, the man that has loved Lauren Elizabeth Kelley all of her life and has always been steadfast, faithful and loyal to her.
Her father John’s abuse of her has left her damaged and scarred beyond recognition—she is no longer the smart, beautiful, strong and brave woman that said she loved me and told me “Sarangheyo” so long ago. That woman is dead—killed by her addictions and the years of abuse her father has subjected her to.
I hope that Bridget, her little sister, is able to escape the fate that Lauren Elizabeth Kelley, her brother John Walker Kelley Jr. and their father have all been doomed to.
God Bless you Lauren Elizabeth.
May God watch over you and protect you from all harm—even that you cause yourself.
I hope God gives you the strength to fight your addictions and the wisdom to see the truth about what the alcohol and drugs are doing to you.
I pray that God grants you the serenity and peace you will need to love yourself once again and to forgive yourself for the things your addictions have made you do.
I ask that God helps you find your way back to being the amazing, beautiful, intelligent, feisty, stubborn, strong, and devout woman He wants you to be.
Finally, may He grant you the ability to see yourself as I do and let you remember who we are to each other; let you remember the years of friendship, love and devotion we once shared; and give you the strength to make amends for the terrible things you have said and done because of your addictions.
All this in Jesus’s name I pray.