Adrift at Sea —Dan’s blog on dankim.com

I read the following post on the web…

Stop waiting…

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren’t old enough and we’ll be more content when they are.

After that, we’re frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation, when we retire. The truth is, there’s no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when?

Your life will always be filled with challenges. It’s best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.

One of my favourite quotes comes from Alfred D. Souse. He said:

“For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin – real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life”.

This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness.

Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time… and remember that time waits for no one.

So, stop waiting…

• until you finish school,
• until you go back to school,
• until you lose ten pounds,
• until you gain ten pounds,
• until you have kids,
• until your kids leave the house,
• until you start work,
• until you retire,
• until you get married,
• until you get divorced,
• until Friday night,
• until Sunday morning,
• until you get a new car/home,
• until your car or home is paid off,
• until spring, until summer,
• until fall, until winter,
• until you are off welfare,
• until the first or fifteenth,
• until your song comes on,
• until you’ve had a drink,
• until you’ve sobered up,
• until you die,
• until you are born again…

…to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

Lauren Elizabeth Kelley has a choice to make.

Choice 1) Lauren Elizabeth Kelley can choose happiness right now—she can choose to be with the man her heart says she loves—the man who truly loves her and is committed to her—me.

Choice 2) Lauren Elizabeth Kelley can remain the drug-addicted alcoholic that has been searching for happiness and fulfillment in the bottom of a bottle and the bowl of a bong.

I would challenge Lauren Elizabeth Kelley to look at vignettes of our life together and the photos I posted in the post I wrote as My Gift to Lauren Elizabeth Kelley and see if she can remember any time that she was happier in the last eighteen months she has been a drug addicted alcoholic than the times we were together in those times I mention.

If Lauren Elizabeth Kelley can find such a time, then she should just walk away and I will move on. If Lauren Elizabeth Kelley can not, I hope she would tell the truth and make her amends and let me help the amazing woman I love so that we can start on the future we talked about together.

If Lauren Elizabeth Kelley looks closely—she will see the truth of who she and I are to each other. Lauren Elizabeth Kelley will see that I have loved her all of her life. Lauren Elizabeth Kelley will see that I have cared for her all of her life.

Lauren Elizabeth Kelley will see the twenty years of love, caring, devotion, friendship, loyalty, respect and laughter that we have shared. Lauren Elizabeth Kelley will see the good friends that we were and the close confidantes that shared all of our hopes, dreams, goals and fears with each other. This is what her addictions have made her throw away.

I know Lauren Elizabeth Kelley hated being used and then thrown away by Jarrod. I know Lauren Elizabeth Kelley was hurt when Ian betrayed her. I know Lauren Elizabeth Kelley has suffered from the years of emotional abuse by her father John. I have never used her or thrown her away because I know what a priceless treasure Lauren Elizabeth Kelley truly is. I have never betrayed Lauren Elizabeth Kelley because I know how to keep a commitment. I have never made Lauren Elizabeth Kelley suffer because I love her far too much to ever do that.

I am the only person in Lauren Elizabeth Kelley’s life that is telling her the truth. That is what I had promised Lauren Elizabeth Kelley years ago—that I would tell her the truth and never lie to her. I am the only one who is telling Lauren Elizabeth Kelley what her addictions are doing to her. I am the only one that is trying to warn Lauren Elizabeth Kelley about the high cost that her addictions will take on her, her health, her body, her mind and her future.

I am the only one who loved Lauren Elizabeth Kelley and cared enough about her to see what Lauren Elizabeth Kelley was doing to herself when she fell to her addictions last summer and to try and get her the help she needed. I am the only person Lauren Elizabeth Kelley loved enough and cared enough about to push away when she fell to her addictions.

The drugs and alcohol that her addictions require can not heal her wounded heart—only love can do that.

The fears and insecurities that are founded in Lauren Elizabeth Kelley’s father’s emotional abuse of her and Ian’s betrayal of her can only be healed by someone who loves Lauren Elizabeth Kelley, cares about Lauren Elizabeth Kelley, and knows who Lauren Elizabeth Kelley truly is.

Much as Lauren Elizabeth Kelley’s love for me has helped heal the scars left behind by Gee’s death and other events in my past—I think my love for Lauren Elizabeth Kelley—the joy, the laughter, and the happiness we have always had whenever we are together are the only things that will heal Lauren Elizabeth Kelley’s wounded heart and soul.

I know who my beloved Lauren Elizabeth Kelley truly is. Lauren Elizabeth Kelley is so much more than the drug-addicted alcoholic that she has been pretending to be for the past eighteen months.

Lauren Elizabeth Kelley is strong, beautiful, intelligent, good, honest, devout, moral, gracious, compassionate, caring, loving, lovable, sweet, feisty, stubborn, capable and so much more. These are all integral traits of the woman that loves me and are all reasons I love and adore the feisty-spirited, often mischievous, stubborn and freckled redhead that is truly Lauren Elizabeth Kelley.

Lauren Elizabeth Kelley is the most amazing and incredible woman I have ever met in my life and the woman I love most of all—Lauren Elizabeth Kelley is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with and have be the mother of our children. Lauren Elizabeth Kelley is the woman I want to wake up with every morning. I want to have Lauren Elizabeth Kelley be the last person I see every night when I go to sleep.

I want to kiss and count every freckle that I can find on my beautiful and lovable fierce Irish rose. I want to hold Lauren Elizabeth Kelley in my arms and rest my chin on her shoulder and hug her until she knows that she is loved beyond all measure and treasured for the precious gift that she has always been to me. I want to have those Asians with freckles that our children would be—born of Lauren Elizabeth Kelley’s freckled Irish heritage and my Korean ancestry.

I love you Lauren Elizabeth Kelley. I have loved you all of your life and I always will. It is just that simple. Even if you never recover from your addictions, I hope you know this.

I know that we will be together because a love as strong and true as the one you and I have grown between us over the past twenty years is something that can not be denied.

God Bless you Lauren Elizabeth.

May God watch over you and protect you from all harm—even that you cause yourself.

I hope God gives you the strength to fight your addictions and the wisdom to see the truth about what the alcohol and drugs are doing to you.

I pray that God grants you the serenity and peace you will need to love yourself once again and to forgive yourself for the things your addictions have made you do.

I ask that God helps you find your way back to being the amazing, beautiful, intelligent, feisty, stubborn, strong, and devout woman He wants you to be.

Finally, may He grant you the ability to see yourself as I do and let you remember who we are to each other; let you remember the years of friendship, love and devotion we once shared; and give you the strength to make amends so we can start the future together we talked about last June.

All this in Jesus’s name I pray.

Amen.