Adrift at Sea —Dan’s blog on dankim.com

Holding on is being brave, but letting go and moving on is often what makes us stronger and happier.

I’ve decided to let go and move on in the New Year if I haven’t heard anything from Lauren Elizabeth Kelley, the beautiful woman that I love, by then. If all that is left of the incredible woman that loves me is the drug-addicted alcoholic that is all I have seen for the last seventeen months, then I have no reason to stay.

It isn’t that I don’t love Lauren Elizabeth Kelley. I have loved Lauren Elizabeth Kelley all of her life and have no doubt that I will always love the beautiful woman I asked to marry me, just as I love Gee, the beautiful woman I married before her. It isn’t that I don’t want to keep my vows to the beautiful, smart, strong and capable woman I asked to marry me. But, I just don’t see anything left of her in the drug-addicted alcoholic that she has become.

Let me share with you a blog from Marc and Angel Hack Life.

Here are ten signs it’s time to let go:

(1) Someone expects you to be someone you’re not. – Don’t change who you are for anyone else.

Lauren Elizabeth Kelley is not the person I love any more. She has become the drug-addicted alcoholic that she has been pretending to be for the past eighteen months—the lies she has been telling seem to have become her reality. I do not know who the drug-addicted alcoholic is. I do not love the drug-addicted alcoholic that has been lying about who Lauren Elizabeth Kelley and I are to each other and how we feel about each other. I have no commitment to the drug-addicted alcoholic and can’t become someone who could love a drug-addicted alcoholic.

(2) A person’s actions don’t match their words. – Everybody deserves somebody who helps them look forward to tomorrow.

Lauren Elizabeth Kelley told me she loves me and that she adored the Asians with freckles that would have been our children. Lauren Elizabeth Kelley wanted to share a future together with me. These are all things that the drug-addicted alcoholic has thrown away and no longer wants as far as I can tell.

(3) You catch yourself forcing someone to love you. – Let us keep in mind that we can’t force anyone to love us. We shouldn’t beg someone to stay when they want to leave. That’s what love is all about – freedom.

I won’t ask the drug-addicted alcoholic to love me. I can’t love the drug-addicted alcoholic. If the pathetic, lying, dishonest, weak and cowardly drug-addicted alcoholic is all that remains of my beautiful, strong, honest, capable and smart Lauren Elizabeth Kelley, then I have no reason to stay.

(4) An intimate relationship is based strictly on mutual attraction. – Being beautiful is more than how many people you can get to look at you, or how others perceive you at a single glance. It’s about what you live for. It’s about what defines you. It’s about the depth of your heart, and what makes you unique. It’s about being who you are and living out your life honestly.

Lauren Elizabeth Kelley is no longer being whom she really is—I know the truth of who Lauren Elizabeth Kelley really is because I have known her all of her life and loved her all of her life. The drug-addicted alcoholic is an imposter hiding in her physical shell. The drug-addicted alcoholic isn’t honest about anything any more. All she lives for now is her next high and next buzz—her next drink and her next blunt.

This is a photo of the wretched, pathetic, dishonest thing that her addictions have left of the amazing, strong, beautiful, sweet, smart, and honest woman I love.

(5) Someone continuously breaks your trust. – Love means giving someone the chance to hurt you, but trusting them not to. When you completely trust a person, without any doubt, you’ll automatically get one of two results – a FRIEND for life or a LESSON for life.

Lauren Elizabeth Kelley was someone I trusted implicitly and someone who trusted me. We were close friends and confidantes for years. I have loved Lauren Elizabeth Kelley all of her life and I trusted her not to hurt me. The drug-addicted alcoholic has done nothing but lie about us and hurt me for the past seventeen months. The stupid, weak, cowardly, dishonest drug-addicted alcoholic doesn’t know how to love, trust or care about anyone any more.

Lauren Elizabeth Kelley is no longer the laughing, smiling, beautiful, funny, lovable and sweet woman I used to know and love. Who we were and how we felt about each other is clearly visible in this photo of us together. This is how I choose to remember the amazing woman I love and wanted to marry.

(6) Someone continuously overlooks your worth. – Know your worth! When you give yourself to someone who doesn’t respect you, you surrender pieces of your soul that you’ll never get back.

Lauren Elizabeth Kelley, the woman that loves me knows what I am worth. The drug-addicted, pathetic, wretched alcoholic does not. It is that simple.

(7) You are never given a chance to speak your mind. – Sometimes an argument saves a relationship, whereas silence breaks it. Speak up for your heart so that you won’t have regrets. Life is not about making others happy. Life is about being honest and sharing your happiness with others.

Lauren Elizabeth Kelley, the honest, beautiful, smart and stubborn woman I love would argue with me, but at least she would listen. The dishonest drug-addicted alcoholic hasn’t spoken to me since I confronted her about her drinking on June 29th. She won’t even talk to me or listen to me. I have tried to tell her the truth about what her addictions are doing to her, what they are costing her and what the consequences might be for her, her health, her body, and her future. She clearly isn’t listening and doesn’t care—so why should I?

(8) You are frequently forced to sacrifice your happiness. – If you allow people to make more withdrawals than deposits in your life, you will be out of balance and in the negative before you know it. Know when to close the account. It’s always better to be alone with dignity than in a relationship that constantly requires you to sacrifice your happiness and self-respect.

I’ve spent seventeen months trying to help the amazing woman I love and have sacrificed my health, my happiness and my time. While Lauren Elizabeth Kelley was worth what trying to get her the help she needs cost me—the drug-addicted alcoholic that is all that appears to be left is certainly not.

(9) You truly dislike your current situation, routine, job, etc. – It’s better to be a failure at something you love than to succeed at doing something you hate.

This is the truth. I hate the drug-addicted alcoholic that has destroyed everything I love about Lauren Elizabeth Kelley. I hate being in a situation where I can’t even talk to Lauren Elizabeth Kelley or be with her—something that is all the fault of the drug-addicted alcoholic she has become.

(10) You catch yourself obsessing over, and living in, the past. – Eventually you will overcome the heartache, and forget the reasons you cried, and who caused the pain. Eventually you will realize that the secret to happiness and freedom is not about control or revenge, but in letting things unfold naturally, and learning from your experiences over the course of time.

I guess that the future I hoped for with my beautiful and beloved Lauren Elizabeth Kelley is no longer possible. Lauren Elizabeth Kelley is lost to her addictions and there is nothing of her left—no one to share that future with any longer.

So, I will be moving on in the New Year because I know that is what Lauren Elizabeth Kelley would want me to do because she loves me. Lauren Elizabeth Kelley would want me to be loved as I deserve and happy and with someone who loves me—something she is no longer capable of.

It takes REAL COURAGE to LET GO. One of the things that I am learning in the past 5 years of my life is that…LIFE IS A SERIES OF LETTING GO. But even more than LETTING GO, is LETTING GOD be sovereign in my life’s circumstances.

BE BLESSED! BE GREAT!

I doubt Lauren Elizabeth Kelley’s life as a drug-addicted alcoholic will have much success, happiness, health or a long life. At some point, she will hit rock bottom and eventually realize she needs help. It is likely that Lauren Elizabeth Kelley will have to end up in the hospital, jail, flunking out of school, or living on the street before she hits rock bottom and realizes she is an addict and an alcoholic.

There’s also a good chance she will seriously injure or kill herself or someone else in the process of hitting rock bottom. I hope that she won’t get killed or injured seriously in the process of hitting rock bottom. Unfortunately, Lauren Elizabeth Kelley has been driving drunk and/or high for much of the last eighteen months.

I doubt her “friends” or family will be able to help her when she hits rock bottom. Her father John and brother Johnny Jr. are both alcoholics in denial. Her brother is also a drug-addict in denial more likely than not. Her mother Sue and sister Bridget are too frightened of her father John to really be of any help.

Almost all of her current “friends” are part of Lauren Elizabeth Kelley’s current problems with drugs and alcohol. Few, if any, of them have any real commitment with Lauren Elizabeth Kelley or love Lauren Elizabeth Kelley. Like Jarrod, I think most of her “friends” will dump her if she becomes a problem for them.

No matter what else, I will always love Lauren Elizabeth Kelley. Even if nothing is left but the drug-addicted alcoholic, I still wish Lauren Elizabeth Kelley happiness, success, long-life, health and most of all, love, because I only want the best for the woman who was one of the people I love most.

I hope that if Lauren Elizabeth Kelley finally can face her fears and fight her addictions, she will be able to look back and realize all that her addictions have cost her.

I pray that if Lauren Elizabeth Kelley ever regains her health and recovers from her addictions she will be able to understand why I think I was lucky to have her in my life despite what her addictions and my trying to help her have cost me. I hope Lauren Elizabeth Kelley will finally understand my final gift to her.

God Bless you Lauren Elizabeth.

May God watch over you and protect you from all harm—even that you cause yourself.

I hope God gives you the strength to fight your addictions and the wisdom to see the truth about what the alcohol and drugs are doing to you.

I pray that God grants you the serenity and peace you will need to love yourself once again and to forgive yourself for the things your addictions have made you do.

I ask that God helps you find your way back to being the amazing, beautiful, intelligent, feisty, stubborn, strong, and devout woman He wants you to be.

Finally, may He grant you the ability to see yourself as I do and let you remember who we are to each other; let you remember the years of friendship, love and devotion we once shared; and give you the strength to make amends so we can start the future together we talked about last June.

All this in Jesus’s name I pray.

Amen.