Lauren Elizabeth Kelley once believed in God—the woman I love is a devout Catholic. I know this because I have known her all of her life. I wonder if she really thinks what has happened the past seventeen months is God’s Plan for her.
Does Lauren Elizabeth Kelley think it was God’s Will for her to push away the man she loves and turn her back on him and lie about him? If not, then whose Plan and Will does she think it is?
God gave her FREE WILL. So, what happens to Lauren Elizabeth Kelley and what she becomes is up to her.
Lauren Elizabeth Kelley can remain the drug-addicted alcoholic that has lied about the man she loves for seventeen months. That is a choice, and if she chooses to make it she has no one to blame but herself for what happens.
If Lauren Elizabeth Kelley loses me—the one person in her life that has always believed in her; always been there for her; always loved her; always cared about her; the man who was one of her closest friends and confidantes for years; and has always been her greatest fan and supporter—that won’t be my fault. It was her choice to make.
Lauren Elizabeth Kelley, if your addictions ruin your future, destroy your health, and make your dreams and hopes fade and die—that was your choice.
Or Lauren Elizabeth Kelley can choose to believe in herself, love herself, trust herself and trust in her heart.
Lauren Elizabeth Kelley can choose to believe her heart knows what it was doing when it said “I love you” and “Sarangheyo” to me so many times in June 2011.
Lauren Elizabeth Kelley can choose to ignore her fears and fight the addictions that they have been giving so much strength to. Lauren Elizabeth Kelley can choose to believe me when I tell her that she is one of the most amazing, beautiful, smart, stubborn and lovable women I have ever met.
I hope that Lauren Elizabeth Kelley doesn’t let what Ian, Jarrod and her father have said and done to her ruin the years of love, caring, devotion, loyalty and friendship we have shared.
I have to ask Lauren Elizabeth Kelley whom would she rather believe:
- Ian, the immature fool who betrayed her and cheated on her;
- Jarrod, the drug-dealer that let her debase herself for four months to get the drugs and alcohol her addictions required and then threw her away when he tired of her;
- her father John, who has emotionally abused her and told her that she wasn’t smart enough and wasn’t good enough for years;
- or me, Daniel Kim, the man that has SHOWN HE LOVES HER, even when she wasn’t very lovable and thinks Lauren Elizabeth Kelley is amazing, beautiful, smart, sexy, desirable, compassionate, gracious, funny, stubborn, feisty, and wants to share his life with her even after all the horrific things her addictions have made her say and do.
The woman I love is smart enough to know whom to pick and believe and loves herself enough to let it happen—that is why Lauren Elizabeth Kelley was talking to me about children and marriage.
If, in the end, Lauren Elizabeth Kelley allows her fears, self-doubts and insecurities to rule her instead of her heart, and she lets them continue to give her addictions the iron-grip they have over her, she will lose me—because I do not know the drug-addicted alcoholic and do not care to.
I have no commitment or promise to the drug-addicted alcoholic. If that is all that is left of the incredible woman that loves me, I will move on as I know Lauren Elizabeth Kelley would truly want me to because she loves me. If that happens, Lauren Elizabeth Kelley will have no one to blame but herself.
One of the things I love about Lauren Elizabeth Kelley is that she is a strong, proud, intelligent woman that is capable and independent. Yet, in some ways, this can also be one of her greatest weaknesses—that she, like the man she loves, has trouble asking for help or admitting that she’s not perfect. I think this may be part of her problem in admitting she is an alcoholic and a drug addict or in asking for help for her addictions.
I would remind the amazing woman I love that no one would think less of her for asking for help because it takes more strength, courage and honesty to admit she has a problem than it does to continue to deny the truth and stay a drug-addicted alcoholic.
While Lauren Elizabeth Kelley may be doing better in school than she was last year—I have to wonder does she really think that she is free of the drugs and alcohol that made her into something that she would have loathed and and been ashamed of had she been healthy.
Does Lauren Elizabeth Kelley think that the addictions that turned the beautiful, proud, devout and moral Catholic woman I love into someone who would debase herself and trade her dignity and body for the drugs and alcohol her addictions require as she did with Jarrod for four months last year are just going to fade away?
Lauren Elizabeth Kelley might want to consider that the amazing woman I love would not be confused if she did well, but merely consider that the norm. The drug-addicted alcoholic she has been hasn’t been doing too well academically and is probably a bit surprised when she does get decent grades.
That is not the woman I love—the woman I love, my Lauren Elizabeth Kelley—is one of the smartest women I have ever met…and proud of her academic prowess. Lauren Elizabeth Kelley was so proud of when she made Dean’s List her Freshman year while taking five courses a semester—those two extra courses are quite possibly the only reason that Lauren Elizabeth Kelley hasn’t lost her scholarship after how poorly she did the last two semesters.
Lauren Elizabeth Kelley, my beautiful and smart beloved, is honest enough to realize that her addictions are a problem and will remain one for the rest of her life. She would know that she has to learn to deal with them and finally admit that she is an alcoholic and a drug addict.
Until she admits the truth, there is no way she can begin on her long road to recovery—the one I have promised her I would walk beside her on for the rest of my life because that is part of what it will take to share the rest of my life with the amazing woman I love.
I hope that the beautiful and amazing woman I love still exists. I hope that the improved academic performance is because the proud, stubborn and feisty spirited Irish woman I love so much is fighting her way back to being whom God has always intended for her to be.
I ask my beloved Irish rose, Lauren Elizabeth Kelley, if she still is reading this blog and still exists to give me a clear and obvious sign that she is still there, still loves me and still wants the future we talked about when I asked her to marry me.
I ask that she give me this sign soon, before I think she has been lost to her addictions and that there is nothing left of her here for me. I hope that she fights her addictions, makes her amends and asks me for my help soon. I have to ask Lauren Elizabeth Kelley if she hasn’t punished herself—punished us—enough already.
God Bless you Lauren Elizabeth.
May God watch over you and protect you from all harm—even that you cause yourself.
I hope God gives you the strength to fight your addictions and the wisdom to see the truth about what the alcohol and drugs are doing to you.
I pray that God grants you the serenity and peace you will need to love yourself once again and to forgive yourself for the things your addictions have made you do.
I ask that God helps you find your way back to being the amazing, beautiful, intelligent, feisty, stubborn, strong, and devout woman He wants you to be.
Finally, may He grant you the ability to see yourself as I do and let you remember who we are to each other; let you remember the years of friendship, love and devotion we once shared; and give you the strength to make amends so we can start the future together we talked about last June.
All this in Jesus’s name I pray.
Amen.