Love is… when your heart is set on doing the most good for the one you love.
I think that is a pretty good rule to follow. Sometimes you have to do something that the person you love isn’t going to be happy about. Sometimes they won’t understand what you’re doing is the best thing for them and that you are doing it because you love them. If you truly love someone, you sometimes have to choose to not do something they want you to do because not doing it is what is best for them.
A good case in point is last summer, when Lauren Elizabeth Kelley asked me to buy her two bottles of Barcardi 151. Lauren had wanted me to just buy the alcohol and give it to her. I refused to do it. I stand by my reasons, which were:
- It was illegal to do. Lauren wasn’t old enough to buy alcohol herself and knew that buying it with a fake ID was both illegal and risky.
- It was a betrayal of the trust her parents had placed in me as their friend when they asked me to watch out for, guide, protect and mentor their two oldest children.
- It would have been irresponsible of me as Lauren Elizabeth Kelley’s friend.
- I didn’t think it was good for her. I guess, subconsciously, I suspected Lauren Elizabeth Kelley was an alcoholic, but didn’t know it consciously at the time.
Now, if the conditions were different, I might have considered buying her the alcohol she wanted, but only under very rigid conditions. If she really wanted to experiment with alcohol and not just have it to share with her friends, that would have been different.
When I was growing up, I was allowed access to alcohol when I was even younger than she was at the time. My family’s approach to alcohol was simple, if I wanted something I could ask for it, and my father would buy it and I could drink it—but only at home and under his supervision. If I got sick, well, that was my own fault. This was a safe way for me and my siblings to experiment with alcohol. I would have done the same thing for Lauren Elizabeth Kelley.
I wasn’t going to give Lauren alcohol to give to her friends. If I were going to buy Lauren alcohol, I would only do it if I were there when she was drinking it to make sure she was safe and to take care of her. But that wasn’t what Lauren wanted. She wanted to share it with her friends. If her friends got injured or sick from it, Lauren would have been responsible—and I would have been responsible too.
Likewise, when Lauren Elizabeth Kelley again asked me to buy alcohol for her and she offered herself to me for doing so, I refused. I think this both angered her and confused her. Lauren knows I love her—I had made that abundantly clear during the previous week of talking to her about marriage, having children, and spending the rest of our lives together. Lauren also knew I was physically attracted to her. I think Lauren Elizabeth Kelley was angry because, even though I love her and wanted her, I refused her request.
What I don’t think Lauren Elizabeth Kelley understands yet is that the reason I refused her request is because I love her. I love her and would not take advantage of her that way—that my love for her wouldn’t allow me to let her debase herself in such a way. I love Lauren Elizabeth Kelley and would never dishonor her that way. Lauren Elizabeth Kelley is beautiful and desirable, but only a selfish person who doesn’t love her or care about her would ever do that to her—someone like Jarrod.
The posts I have written about or to Lauren Elizabeth Kelley, both here, and on Twitter and Facebook, are also part of my being set on doing the most good for the woman I love. No one else is telling Lauren Elizabeth Kelley the truth about what she has been doing to herself, where it can lead or what the possible consequences are. In fact, no one else has cared enough about Lauren Elizabeth Kelley to realize that she has a problem with drugs and alcohol and no one else has tried to help her.
I don’t know if the amazing woman I love—the feisty, strong, brave, smart, devout, stubborn, beautiful, compassionate, gracious, and good Irish lass that loves me—even still exists. I believe she does, mainly because I know how strong, stubborn and smart Lauren Elizabeth Kelley is. I keep hoping that Lauren Elizabeth Kelley will come to her senses and fight her addictions and return to being whom God has always meant for her to be.
I know Lauren Elizabeth Kelley is strong enough, brave enough, and smart enough to beat her addictions. It won’t be easy, but if Lauren Elizabeth Kelley ever gets the will to do so, I know she can do it. If Lauren Elizabeth Kelley doesn’t think her drinking and drug use is a problem, I would ask her to just look at her grades and how well she has done in her classes at Emmanuel College the past year, and ask her why she failed to make Dean’s List the last two semesters?
Lauren Elizabeth Kelley is one of the smartest and most intelligent women I know. Her freshman year, she managed to make Dean’s List while taking five classes each semester and came out of the year with a 3.634 GPA. Yet, her sophomore year, taking only four classes a semester, she failed to make Dean’s List either semester. I know that it was her drinking and drug use that caused her to fall so far short of what Lauren Elizabeth Kelley is capable of doing.
I hope Lauren Elizabeth Kelley is still reading this blog. I hope Lauren Elizabeth Kelley sees this post and realizes the truth of what I am saying. I hope Lauren Elizabeth Kelley finally fights her addictions and returns to being the woman God has always intended for her to be.
“Hope, it is the only thing stronger than fear. A little hope is effective, a lot of hope is dangerous.”
~President Snow, The Hunger Games
I have a lot of hope and pray that it is dangerous to Lauren Elizabeth Kelley’s addictions and brings about their end. I know Lauren Elizabeth Kelley believes in hope…after all, she was a huge Obama supporter in 2008.
God Bless you Lauren Elizabeth.
May God watch over you and protect you from all harm—even that you cause yourself.
I hope God gives you the strength to fight your addictions and the wisdom to see the truth about what the alcohol and drugs are doing to you.
I pray that God grants you the serenity and peace you will need to love yourself once again and to forgive yourself for the things your addictions have made you do.
I ask that God helps you find your way back to being the amazing, beautiful, intelligent, feisty, stubborn, strong, and devout woman He wants you to be.
Finally, may He grant you the ability to see yourself as I do and let you remember who we are to each other; let you remember the years of friendship, love and devotion we once shared; and give you the strength to make amends so we can start the future together we talked about last June.
All this in Jesus’s name I pray.
Amen.