“Don’t trust words, trust actions.”
I believe this is true…that actions speak much louder than words ever could. While Lauren Elizabeth Kelley has lied about me for sixteen months, I don’t believe she believes the lies. I believe her actions—not the actions of the drug-addicted alcoholic looking for her next drink or high. I trust her actions—the actions of the woman I love.
Lauren says that we are not friends. Lauren says that she doesn’t care about me or love me. I know the truth is very different.
Last February, when I saw Lauren Elizabeth Kelley, she said that she was still reading everything I have ever written, here on my blog, on Twitter, on Facebook, all of it. I have to wonder why she would be doing that if I really was not someone she cared about, not her friend, not someone she loved.
It had been exactly eight months to the day that Lauren started telling those lies. Yet, here she was, admitting that she still reads everything I wrote.
Why would she do that? Lauren said she didn’t care about me, yet she was still taking the advice I had written for her.
I think those actions are the actions of the woman that loves me—the beautiful, intelligent, strong and stubborn woman that I love. I think it is proof that my beautiful Irish lass, Lauren Elizabeth Kelley, still exists somewhere beneath her addictions. If the lies Lauren, the drug-addicted alcoholic were actually the truth, there would be no reason for her to be reading what I write or any reason for her to care what I say in those writings.
Yet, on New Year’s Eve Day, when Lauren wrote that she didn’t give a fuck anymore, and I wrote that it was very disappointing to see her say that because the woman I love cares about people and cares about her actions and what their consequences are and for Lauren to say that was a pretty clear sign that my Lauren Elizabeth Kelley was dead—a victim of her addictions. Less than two hours later, the tweet saying that had been deleted. I do not think that is just random chance.
When I wrote that Lauren’s Facebook profile photo, the one shown below, made her look like a serious stoner and a junkie, her profile photo was changed within a few hours. I do not think it is a coincidence that the photo was changed after I commented on it.
420 is stoner slang for smoking marijuana, and it certainly looks like Ellie is toking on a joint.
There have been many other instances where it does clearly seem that Lauren reacted or responded to something I wrote or said. When Lauren said she was planning on taking Accounting, Micro-Economics, Macro-Economics and Statistics last spring semester, I warned her not to. And, when she returned to school last January, her course load only included Accounting, and not all four of those very difficult courses. I believe that this is the only reason Lauren did not flunk out of Emmanuel College.
Another point is that for months, Lauren had allowed me access to her Twitter profile and I could see her tweets. When she first stopped speaking to me she did delete one of my two Twitter accounts as a follower.
Yet, somehow, the very intelligent woman managed to forget to delete my Geesbigdog account from her Twitter followers list. Geesbigdog was clearly my account and had been one of the first accounts to follow her Twitter account when I helped her set it up many years ago. I do not think that Lauren is stupid enough to have overlooked this account or not known to whom it belonged.
Then, when she finally kicked the Geesbigdog account, she first turned her account public once more—ensuring that if I wanted to, I would still be able to see what she was posting. If Lauren were really worried about me being able to see what she was doing and saying, why would she do this. I think it is because she still wanted to keep a line of communications open between us.
In March, she finally closed off all access to her Twitter account. That may be a sign that the amazing woman I love has finally succumbed to her addictions and nothing more of her exists. But, I can not believe that yet. I can not believe that someone as strong, stubborn and smart as Lauren Elizabeth Kelley could fall to her addictions. It is possible, but I refuse to believe it for now.
God Bless you Lauren Elizabeth.
May God watch over you and protect you from all harm—even that you cause yourself.
I hope God gives you the strength to fight your addictions and the wisdom to see the truth about what the alcohol and drugs are doing to you.
I pray that God grants you the serenity and peace you will need to love yourself once again and to forgive yourself for the things your addictions have made you do.
I ask that God helps you find your way back to being the amazing, beautiful, intelligent, feisty, stubborn, strong, and devout woman He wants you to be.
Finally, may He grant you the ability to see yourself as I do and let you remember who we are to each other; let you remember the years of friendship, love and devotion we once shared; and give you the strength to make amends so we can start the future together we talked about last June.
All this in Jesus’s name I pray.
Amen.