The divine order of life is no accident. I wanted to share two miracles I received this week.
Someone in my home is nearing the end of their life. It has become more evident in the last week. Watching him fade is difficult and watching my best friend trying to prepare for the loss of her life partner is even harder. God put someone new into my life this week that is an expert in dealing with grief and loss. It just sent shivers down my spine when I realized this.
I also met a lady this week that just moved to my area. She was also from where I came from previously and we discovered that we had shared the same wonderful sponsor.
This lady was holding one of my books in her hand and looked at me and said you must have put frogs in it for Shirley. I smiled and said “no.” She said Frogs were Shirley’s favorite. That she had them all throughout her home and collected them.
Shirley inspired and touched my heart deeper than anyone I have known. Losing her was so hard. Her loss came at one the toughest times in my life. I still cry over her loss. We became close for a very short time. I became aware that this was another time that Shirley’s spirit was still near. I feel her so often, her love and compassion. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be anymore.
Shirley had the courage to look me in the eye and say “YOU ARE THE PROBLEM” and she was right, I was my biggest problem. I caused so much of my own pain by the choices I made.
Today, I am no longer the problem, and I am a kind and loving spirit of God. My wish is pass on the beautiful gifts that have been given to me. I notice these gifts from my Higher Power and thank him daily.
I read this post on Facebook earlier this morning and it really hit home for me. It is written by a woman that has gone through alcoholism and addiction and recovery. She used a twelve-step program, much like that of Alcoholics Anonymous to lead her back to her life and through the recovery process.
Shirley, who was this woman’s sponsor, was right when she said, “YOU ARE THE PROBLEM.” I believe that is true for my beautiful Lauren Elizabeth Kelley as well. Much of the problems Lauren Elizabeth Kelley has been having over the past sixteen months are clearly and directly the result of poor choices she has made.
The problems she had in her relationship with Jarrod—the man to whom she prostituted herself for several months last fall and summer—trading herself for the drugs and alcohol her addictions required are a good example of this.
The woman I love would have never done something like this—my beloved Lauren Elizabeth Kelley has morals and standards and is a devout Catholic that loves herself far too much to ever debase herself like that.
In my opinion, if Lauren, the drug-addicted alcoholic, didn’t let her self-doubts, fears and insecurities run rampant—if she believed in herself and loved herself as my Lauren Elizabeth Kelley used to do—she would have never done it. But Lauren’s insecurities, fears, and self-doubts are running rampant ever since Ian betrayed Lauren Elizabeth Kelley. I am certain that it is those same insecurities, fears, and self-doubts that have given her addictions the iron-grip that they have over her.
The problems Lauren has been having with her studies at Emmanuel College are another example of the poor choices Lauren, the drug-addicted alcoholic, has made. Lauren Elizabeth Kelley is one of the most intelligent women I have ever met. Lauren Elizabeth Kelley has always prided herself on how well she did academically and managed to make Dean’s List with a 3.634 GPA her freshman year at Emmanuel College.
Lauren, the drug-addicted alcoholic, failed to make Dean’s List either semester of her sophomore year, even though she was only taking four courses, compared to the five she was taking each semester her freshman year.
Do I think it was because her courses were so much more difficult that she had problems with her grades? No, I am certain it had a lot more to do with Lauren being high, drunk or both for the majority of the fall semester.
Lauren’s spring semester went better than her fall semester did during her sophomore year, but only because Lauren was still reading my blog and my posts on Facebook and Twitter. If Lauren had taken the courses that she had planned on taking her spring semester earlier this year, I am certain that she would have flunked out.
Accounting, Micro-Economics, Macro-Economics and Statistics are all tough courses and few people can take more than one of them in a semester, never mind all four together. As I warned my beloved Lauren Elizabeth Kelley, doing so after a disastrous semester like Lauren’s fall semester was pretty much a guarantee of flunking out as her brother did three years ago.
Fortunately, Lauren still cared enough about what I thought to take my advice and took Accounting and three other courses instead. From what I understand, she probably did better than she did her fall semester but far from what she is capable of doing as she proved her freshman year.
I fear that if Lauren has another semester like the last two, she will lose the merit-based scholarship that makes up such a large part of her tuition and board. If that happens, she will have to drop out of Emmanuel College and go to a state school instead.
The car accident is another problem that I think is pretty clearly related to poor choices that Lauren has made. From her own social media posts, it is pretty likely that Lauren was drunk and/or high at the time of her car accident last January. I know Lauren was in a car accident because she was driving a rental car. My beloved Lauren Elizabeth Kelley is too young to rent a car—but the rental rider on her automotive insurance policy would allow her to use one in the case her car was in an accident and being repaired. I know this because like so many other things in Lauren Elizabeth Kelley’s life, I was asked to check on it and advise Lauren Elizabeth Kelley when she got the policy.
I know that the accident did more than $500 worth of damage but less than $1500 worth. This is because her policy’s deductible is $500 and the value of the car is $1500. If the damage was less than $500, I doubt she would have filed an accident report and the car was not totaled. My guess is that the accident happened late at night, when Lauren was drunk and/or high and was heading to her family home. It seems very likely that due to the late hour, there were no eyewitnesses to the accident and it did not involve another vehicle, since it appears that there were no police involved. If she had hit another car or there were eyewitnesses, it is likely that Lauren would have been arrested and charged with DUI.
In my opinion, Lauren was very lucky that she was not seriously injured or killed. Lauren was very lucky that she did not seriously injure or kill anyone else. She is lucky that she didn’t end up in jail or the hospital or total her car. Unfortunately, Lauren has been able to deny the seriousness of the accident and how lucky she is because nothing more serious happened. Lauren is clearly in denial about what the root cause of the accident was. The odds of her staying this lucky are going down quickly. Soon, she will have another accident and the consequences will likely be far more severe.
I’d point out to my feisty Irish love Lauren Elizabeth Kelley that if she is arrested and convicted of DUI, as is likely what will happen if she gets in to another car accident and other people are involved or there are witnesses—many of her dreams, like attending law school, will be nearly impossible.
The thing that really puzzles me is how someone as intelligent, wise, strong, and beautiful as my Lauren Elizabeth Kelley doesn’t understand that her choices are causing most, if not all, of her problems. Lauren, the drug-addicted alcoholic that has been present for the last sixteen months, has effectively destroyed the one real healthy relationship Lauren Elizabeth Kelley had. Lauren threw away two decades of love, caring, devotion and friendship for alcohol and drugs. Lauren threw away the future that Lauren Elizabeth Kelley had with the man said she loves in two different languages and spoke to about having children, raising a family, getting married—me.
Lauren is damaging her health, her body, her mind and her future through her heavy use of alcohol and drugs. If Lauren thinks that what she is doing is so healthy, why is her weight constantly cycling—why does she look so unhealthy in some of her recent photos. Jaundiced skin, bloodshot eyes, a swollen distorted face, bruises, bones showing through her skin due to being skeletally thin—these are all things that I’ve seen and noticed in her recent photos—since she stopped speaking with me. Lauren Elizabeth Kelley became a vegetarian years ago because she believed in taking care of her health—yet Lauren doesn’t see the damage she is doing to herself.
My beautiful and stubborn Lauren Elizabeth Kelley has to realize that what she is doing is unhealthy for her. Lauren has to finally realize that her addictions are a serious problem and choose to fight them. I have no doubts that my beloved Lauren Elizabeth Kelley is strong enough, stubborn enough and smart enough to beat her addictions—but she can’t until she decides she wants to do so.
This is a choice only Lauren Elizabeth Kelley can make. I can help her, but only after she asks me for help. Lauren Elizabeth Kelley has to decide that she is going walk her long road to recovery before I can accompany her on that journey.
I have promised Lauren Elizabeth Kelley that I would be here for her.
I am the only person willing to tell Lauren Elizabeth Kelley the truth of what she has been doing to herself and what the possible consequences of her stupidity really are.
I am the only one that believes in Lauren Elizabeth Kelley, trusts in Lauren Elizabeth Kelley, and loves Lauren Elizabeth Kelley enough to help her.
I am the only one that cared enough to see what Lauren Elizabeth Kelley was doing to herself and that loved her enough to try and get her help.
These are the some of the truths about Lauren Elizabeth Kelley’s life as an alcoholic and a drug-addict. Her family will not help her. Her friends are all part of the problem.
Lauren Elizabeth Kelley has to make a choice.
She can choose to remain the drug-addicted alcoholic and throw her life away.
Or, she can choose to fight her addictions and become the amazing, incredible, smart and beautiful woman that God planned for her to be—the woman that I love—the woman that loves me.
These are her choices—only choices she can make.
If Lauren Elizabeth Kelley chooses to remain the drug-addicted alcoholic for much longer, I will have to walk away—because the incredible woman I love will be gone and that is what my Lauren Elizabeth Kelley would want me to do.
If Lauren Elizabeth Kelley chooses to fight her addictions—she does not have to walk her long road to recovery alone. I have promised to walk beside her—supporting her when she stumbles or falls; protecting her when she feels frightened or scared; guiding her when she is lost or confused; but most of all—loving her more each and every day. It is my duty as her life-long friend; my vow to her as my beloved; and my promise to her mother and sister.
If she chooses to fight her addictions, Lauren Elizabeth Kelley will have to make her amends to me; prove to me that she is again the woman that loves me and more than the drug-addicted alcoholic that has been occupying her body for sixteen months; show me that she has made a place for me beside her and will fight to keep me there; and that she is as dedicated and committed to me as I have been to her all of her life.
I know that my beloved Lauren Elizabeth Kelley knows that these are the right things to do, and no less than the man she loves deserves for being steadfast and loyal to her in spite of the horrific things her addictions have made her say and do.
I never promised Lauren Elizabeth Kelley that doing all this would be easy…but I can promise her that it will be worth it.
God Bless you Lauren Elizabeth.
May God watch over you and protect you from all harm—even that you cause yourself.
I hope God gives you the strength to fight your addictions and the wisdom to see the truth about what the alcohol and drugs are doing to you.
I pray that God grants you the serenity and peace you will need to love yourself once again and to forgive yourself for the things your addictions have made you do.
I ask that God helps you find your way back to being the amazing, beautiful, intelligent, feisty, stubborn, strong, and devout woman He wants you to be.
Finally, may He grant you the ability to see yourself as I do and let you remember who we are to each other; let you remember the years of friendship, love and devotion we once shared; and give you the strength to make amends so we can start the future together we talked about last June.
All this in Jesus’s name I pray.
Amen.