There’s another great post on the Crying Out Now blog. The post is by a woman who finally decided to stop drinking because driving drunk nearly cost her her life.
I personally know the high cost of drunk driving, at least from a victim’s viewpoint. I have never driven drunk or incapacitated in any way because my identical twin was killed by an under-aged drunk driver over 25 years ago. The drunk driver that killed my twin brother David is the reason I am a twinless twin.
Here is what the woman wrote:
I could have died today, but I didn’t.
Instead I clawed my way out of an upside down heap of metal an broken glass into a rain filled gutter of rotting leaves. Wet, cold, shaken and in shock. Can’t I just flip this thing over and head on home…I was almost there.
I am making today the end of my tumultuous relationship with alcohol. My heart pounds as I write. My fingers blistered, head aching and nausea visiting me in waves…yet I am here, alive, barely. Forlorn, remorseful…trying to find hope on the other side of a wreck that has been a slow train coming. I guess I knew in my heart of hearts that this day would come. The one I’ve been denying for so many years. Thankfully, it was only me involved in a brush with death. It could have been much worse. I could have harmed more than my flesh and bones and ego.
To look at my life and how blessed it is and then to blame such poor decision making on the stress of it, the demands of it, the drama of it and the absurdity of it. I can always find a reason for some escape.
At this moment, I am terribly saddened…face red and eyes puffy. I don’t even smell good and I hate what I have done and how deluded I have become in my everyday existence…and why? Have I nothing better to do? But of course, but of course…and as my tears stain this page, I am looking into my mind’s eye at my drunken morning accident.
Hours of shivering cold, wet, covered in dead leaves at a police station with some very gratuitous and kind officers…I am looking back and seeing my husband and daughter drive by at three in the morning to see mommy walking the line in the flashing lights…car wheels spinning in the misty night.
Broken glass, broken heart as they have to leave such a mess behind to let the police do their job. It’s horrible.
A horror story.
As this page as my witness, I am committing to living a life free of alcohol. Damn, just thinking that makes me sad. I will miss enjoying a tasty brew and a complex wine, but it’s killing me…it’s burying me alive.
Today I am digging my way free from my self imposed grave.
This woman was very lucky. She did not get seriously injured or killed. She did not seriously injure or kill anyone else as many drunk drivers have done. She has probably been driving drunk for years and only realized the depth and seriousness of her problems because of the serious nature of this accident.
However, it sounds like she did get arrested. She had to walk the line and do the field sobriety tests that the police administer to suspected drunk drivers. She will likely have to pay a fine and lose her driver’s license for a while. While inconvenient, it isn’t all that bad.
She won’t have to live with permanent scars and injuries that she could have easily suffered in such an accident. She won’t have to live with the knowledge that she killed or seriously injured some innocent bystander. All in all, I would say she is very, very lucky.
Lauren Elizabeth Kelley, the amazing woman I love is also an alcoholic and drug addict. She could choose to fight her addictions, but Lauren doesn’t seem to think she has a problem with drugs or alcohol yet—she is still in denial.
Last January, the beginning of this year, Lauren was in a car accident. Lauren was even luckier than the woman who wrote the blog post on Crying Out Now. Lauren’s car accident was relatively minor and left her car damaged but drivable. Lauren’s accident likely happened late at night—on her way home from a night of drinking or doing drugs more likely than not.
Lauren was even luckier to avoid police involvement and the arrest that would have likely occurred. Like the woman in the blog post, she wasn’t seriously injured and no one else was involved. It is likely there were no eyewitnesses to the accident due to the late hour. Lauren typically drinks or does drugs until three or so in the morning by her own admissions on her social media posts.
I think that because there were no serious consequences to Lauren’s car accident in January, it did not work to serve as a wake-up call for the beautiful and smart woman I love. Lauren can still rationalize that her driving drunk and/or high, as she has likely done for much of the past sixteen months, is not a problem. Lauren can tell herself, “How could I possibly have a problem when no one was injured, killed or arrested?”
I really hope that my stubborn, smart, beautiful and lovable Lauren Elizabeth Kelley realizes that she has a problem with drugs and alcohol before she does kill or seriously injure herself or someone else. I hope she fights her addictions before she gets arrested and ruins her future.
Unfortunately, Lauren is one of the most stubborn people I have ever met and I am beginning to doubt that she will ever realize that her addictions are a problem until she hits rock bottom in some way. I think it is going to take her ending up in jail, the hospital, living on the street or having to drop out of school for her to realize that her addictions are the root cause of most of the problems she has been having.
I truly fear the cost to Lauren Elizabeth Kelley’s health, her body, her mind and her future should she need to hit rock bottom before she seeks help. Alcoholism and drug addiction are both progressive diseases and the longer she continues to drink and do drugs, the greater the damage to her mind, body, brain and health will be. Also, if Lauren gets caught using her fake IDs to buy alcohol or arrested for DUI, it is likely that many of the goals, hopes and dreams that Lauren Elizabeth Kelley told me about will be destroyed.
God Bless you Lauren Elizabeth.
May God watch over you and protect you from all harm—even that you cause yourself.
I hope God gives you the strength to fight your addictions and the wisdom to see the truth about what the alcohol and drugs are doing to you.
I pray that God grants you the serenity and peace you will need to love yourself once again and to forgive yourself for the things your addictions have made you do.
I ask that God helps you find your way back to being the amazing, beautiful, intelligent, feisty, stubborn, strong, and devout woman He wants you to be.
Finally, may He grant you the ability to see yourself as I do and let you remember who we are to each other; let you remember the years of friendship, love and devotion we once shared; and give you the strength to make amends so we can start the future together we talked about last June.
All this in Jesus’s name I pray.