This is some advice that I think Ellie needs to hear for when she finally hits rock bottom and decides she want more from life than to be a drug-addicted alcoholic. The advice I would give her was said by a friend of a friend.
“Learning how to move on from the past is sometimes hard. You think of the people you hurt and the lies that you told. You begin to wonder “what is the point of getting better and making things right?” Well, the point is trying to be a “honest” person and making things right. The past can’t be changed but the future can always be improved.”
I still think that somewhere beneath the addictions and the horrible things they have made her do and say, she is still the beautiful, smart, funny and honest woman I love. One day, I hope she wakes up and fights her addictions and becomes the amazing woman I love and have always known her to be. Right now, she is not Ellie—I do not know who the drug addicted alcoholic that has taken over Ellie’s physical shell is, nor do I care to.
Some day, I hope that she will once again realize she is better than what she has been for a bit more than the last year—that she is loveable and smart and strong and funny and sweet and honest. I hope that she finally realizes that she is far better than how Ian, Jarrod or even her father have treated her.
Given all the lies she has told and how badly she has behaved, making things right will not be easy for Ellie. But, my beautiful Ellie is strong, stubborn, smart, and honest enough to know this and to work through it to make things right.
If Ellie joins a twelve-step program like Alcoholics Anonymous and decides to work through the steps in order to reclaim her life and who she was meant to be, making her amends is going to be a part of that process. But she will need to do a strong evaluation of whom she has hurt and needs to make amends to first. She will need to do an inventory of herself and her strengths and shortcomings.
If she decides that she wants me to keep my promise to accompany her on her long road to recovery, she will need to apologize and make amends for the damage she has done. This includes telling the truth about what she said and what really happened. It will not be pretty or easy, but it is a requirement that is non-negotiable. She will need to prove she is once again the woman who said “Sarangheyo” to me last summer. She will need to show me that she has made a place for me in her life and is committed and will fight to keep me there.
If she does all this, I will keep the promise I made to her and her mother so many times over the past year.
I do not believe she has anyone else in her life that will stand by her, with the possible exception of her mother and little sister. Her father and brother are both alcoholics in denial. Her friends are not truly friends and have no real commitment or love for her, as they have repeatedly proven over the past year—though she refuses to see it.
I have stood by her, even in spite of her horrific treatment of me, because I have loved her all of her life and can do nothing less. I have a life-long commitment to Ellie, the woman that loves me.