Adrift at Sea —Dan’s blog on dankim.com

Though this song is specifically about breast cancer, I think it applies to so much more…it applies to anyone who loves someone enough to stand by them in spite of whatever illness they have and being there for them to help them–whether they recover, just fight or even lose to their illness.

I think it fits for Shelley’s Leukemia, Gee’s Pancreatic cancer or Ellie’s drug and alcohol addiction. I vowed to stand beside all three of them… I’ve kept my promises to Shelley and Gee, and will keep them with Ellie, should she ever ask me for my help in fighting her addictions or to accompany her on her long road to recovery.

I hope she takes a really hard and honest look at who will stand by her when she hits rock bottom. As far as I can tell, her family and her friends won’t stand by her–something I have promised her and her mother I would do if she asked me for help.

I really hope she remembers the promise I made her and her mother and that if and when she gains the strength, courage and will to fight her addictions, she comes and seeks me out and asks me for my love, support and help. I love Ellie. I have loved her all of her life and I always will–whether she chooses to recognize that or not. I have never stopped being her friend or caring for her. I have not broken my promises, vows or commitments to her. I have not broken faith or trust with her. She is the one who has done all that.

Even though I have walked away from Ellie, mainly because I have seen no sign that my beautiful, smart, funny, stubborn and feisty Irish rose still exists, I still pray for her every day. I still hope that she will recover from her illness and ask me to be in her life again.

I hope my beautiful Irish rose remembers who she really is…I hope she remembers who God intended her to be…I hope she remembers to fight for herself, for us and for the future we had talked about starting that week last June. I hope she remembers all the dreams, hopes and goals she and I talked about over the years.

I hope she remembers the Asians with freckles that she said she adored. I still hope that we can have those Asians with freckles that she adores and raise a family together. There is still time to do all that. But, it is up to her.

Ellie has to show me that she wants me in her life once again–that she has made a place for me beside her and is willing to fight to keep me there–that she is as committed to me as I have always been to her.

Ellie has to make amends for the lies and damage her addictions have caused. Ellie has to show she realizes the truth of what we are and always have been to each other. Until she does all that, there is no hope for us. It is up to her–she knows how I feel about her; she knows where to find me and how to reach me. She has to ask for help before anyone can help her.

May God watch over my beloved Ellie. God bless her and protect her, even from herself. May God grant her the strength, courage, and will to fight her illness and return to being her true self. May God grant her the wisdom to see the truth—both about her illness and about us.

“I’m Gonna Love You Through It” by Martina McBride

She dropped the phone and burst into tears
The doctor just confirmed her fears
Her husband held it in and held her tight
Cancer don’t discriminate or care if you’re just 38
With three kids who need you in their lives
He said, “I know that you’re afraid and I am, too
But you’ll never be alone, I promise you”

When you’re weak, I’ll be strong
When you let go, I’ll hold on
When you need to cry, I swear that I’ll be there to dry your eyes
When you feel lost and scared to death,
Like you can’t take one more step
Just take my hand, together we can do it
I’m gonna love you through it.

She made it through the surgery fine
They said they caught it just in time
But they had to take more than they planned
Now it’s forced smiles and baggy shirts
To hide what the cancer took from her
But she just wants to feel like a woman again
She said, “I don’t think I can do this anymore”
He took her in his arms and said “That’s what my love is for”

When you’re weak, I’ll be strong
When you let go, I’ll hold on
When you need to cry, I swear that I’ll be there to dry your eyes
When you feel lost and scared to death,
Like you can’t take one more step
Just take my hand, together we can do it
I’m gonna love you through it.

And when this road gets too long
I’ll be the rock you lean on
Just take my hand, together we can do it
I’m gonna love you through it.
I’m gonna love you through it.