Today’s is National Honesty Day.
Today is a day I think about one of the most honest people I have ever known–Ellie. Before her addictions took over her life, she was one of the sweetest, most honest and most compassionate people I knew. Now, she lies constantly and sees nothing wrong with it as far as I can tell.
It is very sad and disturbing to see how far she has fallen. She was a fairly devout, compassionate, and good Catholic woman at one time. She believed in doing what was right, telling the truth, helping her friends, family and even complete strangers. Now, it appears, all she cares about is her next buzz and next high.
The truth of who we were to each other is clearly visible in the photos of us—which belie what she has been saying since I confronted her about her drinking last summer. She has never denied what I have said on this blog, and I am pretty sure she reads it, even now.
As far as I know, Ellie has never lied to me directly—instead she refuses to even speak to me. At her core, I think she is still one of the most honest people I have ever known—even if her addictions and her father have made her lie about so much for the past nine months. I believe she refuses to lie to me directly because–deep inside her heart–she knows I am one of the only people that truly loves her and that she loves. One day, she may even remember this or allow herself to admit it.
I hope she is doing well, I but have no idea how her classes are going this semester. I hope that she is doing better than last semester or I fear she will lose the scholarship that she needs to stay in the college she loves.
Until she realizes she has a problem with drugs and alcohol and seeks help for herself, no one can help her. I hope she chooses to get help soon, before her addictions destroy her health, mind, body and future. If she is honest enough and brave enough to ask me for help and willing to make her amends, I will help her as I have promised her and her mother–I can do no less for the woman I love so much.
May God watch over my beloved Ellie. God bless her and protect her, even from herself. May God grant her the strength, courage, and will to fight her illness and return to being her true self. May God grant her the wisdom to see the truth—both about her illness and about us.