Archives

Archive for January, 2012

Would I Do It Again?

The Serenity Prayer or Neibhur’s Prayer starts with an almost universally recongized: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. My friend Grant wrote that being a twin isn’t always easy, but he wouldn’t trade it […]

Wisdom From A Fox

“Here is my secret. It’s quite simple: One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes…It is the time you spent on your rose that makes your rose so important…People have forgotten this truth. But you mustn’t forget it. You become responsible forever for what you have tamed. You’re responsible […]

A Handful of Dust

I will show you fear in a handful of dust —The Waste Land, T.S. Eliot I don’t think that most people actually fear death, I think we fear that no one will notice our absence—that we will disappear without a trace. Ellie need never fear this, because she will always be missed by me. Though […]

Her Silence

Update: Ellie has locked her social media accounts, so that confirms it. The woman I love is truly gone. If any part of her were still there fighting, she would have left that line of communication open, but it seems that she has finally succumbed to her addictions as I suspected. Goodbye my beloved, I […]

Ellie RIP

May my beautiful and beloved Ellie rest in peace. For the past seven months, I’ve been holding out hope that she still lives—that the incredible woman I love and wanted to marry was not destroyed by her addictions. But it seems that this is not the case—it seems that my Ellie is truly gone. I […]

Etta James, RIP

Etta James, probably best known for her song At Last, just passed away. It’s sad to hear for me because Etta and At Last were what Gee and I picked for our wedding 12 years ago. We didn’t even have to discuss it…it was the first choice for both of us. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1uunRdQ61M Even today, over […]

Moved In—Moving On

Ellie— all moved in ! redesigning my pandora bracelet I see that you’ve moved in to your dormitory. I see that you don’t care that your drinking and drug use affected your grades last semester. If nothing else—the fact that you don’t care about your grades, don’t worry about losing your scholarship and don’t care […]

Last Chances

Ellie— I don’t even know if you still read my blog. Given that you haven’t said anything or done anything about what I’ve tried to tell you, I am guessing that you aren’t reading my blog any more or don’t care what I say anymore. If, by chance, you are still reading this blog and […]

A Card for Ellie…

Ellie— I don’t even know if you still read my blog. Given that you haven’t said anything or done anything about what I’ve tried to tell you, I am guessing that you aren’t reading my blog any more or don’t care what I say anymore. If, by chance, you are still reading this blog and […]

Insecurities and Self-Doubts

I found this on Facebook. I think that Ellie really needs to read it and listen to what it says. I have edited it slightly for grammatical and spelling errors. INSECURITIES!!! Insecurities are not feelings we are born with, but some feelings we pick up during our lifetime, based on other people’s opinions about us, […]

Ironic

Ellie posted a new image for her social networking profile which I think is kind of ironic. She’s doing drugs and drinking heavily, and she posts this. She’s destroying any real chance of living a full, happy and healthy life doing what she is doing. She probably doesn’t see the irony of it all though. […]

Ellie—Please Read This

Ellie— I don’t even know if you still read my blog. Given that you haven’t said anything or done anything about what I’ve tried to tell you, I am guessing that you aren’t reading my blog any more. If, by chance, you are still reading this blog, please read all the comments and posts. Are […]

A Letter to Ellie

Ellie— I love you. I always have. I always will. I have always been your friend. I have always cared about you. I have always supported your dreams and goals. I have always protected you. None of this has changed, despite what you may believe or think. None of this has changed despite the lies […]

As I See Her

I wish Ellie could see herself as I see her. She doesn’t see what I see when I look at her and I wish she could. When I look at Ellie, I see one of the most incredible women I have ever met. I have been very fortunate to know some amazing women, including the […]

Food and Memory

Today, I had cheese stuffed tortellini for the first time in over a decade. It is strange, but I didn’t realize that I hadn’t bought or made this type of pasta in over ten years, even though it was always one of my favorites. It was also a dish that I cooked a lot for […]

Come Home Ellie

If it isn’t obvious to you how much I love you, you’re really quite an idiot. If it isn’t obvious that I am here for you and only want to help you get better—help you get back to being who you really are—you’re not paying any attention. Let me make it clear—I love you, my […]

Alcoholism and Ellie

Binge Drinking A recent article citing a CDC report says that more than 38 million Americans are binge drinking on a regular basis. The article says: According to the CDC, binge drinkers are at a higher risk for many health and social problems, including car accidents, violence, liver disease, certain cancers, heart disease, sexually transmitted […]

Choices

We make choices every day. Some we are conscious of, others we are not. Some of these choices can affect others, not just ourselves, and not always in good ways. I recently found out that Ellie had been in a car accident. From what I have heard, it wasn’t a serious car accident. And as […]

Fare Thee Well, Love

The words of this song almost perfectly express my feelings at losing Ellie to her illness. I miss her. I grieve for her. I hope where ever she goes, that she someday remember how much I love her. I always have loved her, and always will. There are no goodbyes between us, for I know […]

Ellie–My Final Post To You

NOTE: 2012-01-08This post has been revised somewhat since it was originally written, to add sections dealing with the outcomes of your addictions and how it has affected you academically, and some other subjects that I feel needed to be addressed. Comments have also been added since this post was originally written that may be worth […]

Ellie

These are your own words from earlier tonight, and my responses to them. I hope you are reading this, because what you have written makes me lose hope that you still exist. It makes me think that you truly have fallen victim to your addictions. I hope that is not true, but the evidence seems […]

Here I Am

I will always be here for Ellie, the woman that loves me. I will always love the amazing, intelligent, beautiful, smart, funny, stubborn, freckled, Irish woman with the red hair and feisty temper, as I have her whole life. I will always care for the woman that learned to say “sarangheyo”, so she could tell […]

RIP 2011

I’d like to wish my beloved Ellie a very Happy New Year and hope that with the New Year she finds the wisdom to realize she is ill, and finds courage and strength to ask for help in getting better. The sooner she does it, the less difficult it will be, as addiction and alcoholism […]