Happy New Year’s Eve to all my friends and family. This is the last day of the year and I, for one, am very happy to see 2011 end. I hope the New Year brings all of you success, health and happiness. I hope that 2012 will be a better year for many of us.
I hope that 2012 brings my beloved Ellie back to herself, and that she finds the strength and courage to seek help. I hope that she finally realizes that she is ill and asks for help in getting better. I hope that she realizes that she does not have to be alone–that I am here for her, as I have been her whole life. And, I hope the New Year brings my beloved Ellie back to me, so we can start our future together.
If she makes her amends and asks for my help, I will be there–walking by her side on her long journey back to health. I would be honored to guide her when she gets lost or confused, support her when she stumbles or falls, carry her when her strength fails her, protect her when she is threatened or scared, and most of all, love her more each and every day. This is my promise, my duty and my responsibility to the beautiful woman that loves me. It is what I vowed to her when I asked her to marry me and told her I wanted to spend the rest of our lives together.
My Ellie is stronger than she knows and smarter than she thinks she is. She is gracious, funny, stubborn, feisty, and sweet. She makes me smile like no other can. She makes me laugh like no one else. I would move heaven, hell and earth for her if she asked me to. I have faith in her and believe in her. I trust her. Finally, I love her unconditionally. I have loved her for her whole life in some fashion. I have known her and loved her longer than anyone else I’ve ever known.
I do not know if the beautiful woman I call Ellie even exists any longer. I do not know if she has become a casualty of her addictions–destroyed by the inner demons that have plagued her for the past seven months. I hope that is not the case, and that somewhere, she still exists and still loves me. I hope and pray each day that she will realize that she is more than her illness, her insecurities, and her self-doubts will let her be. I pray that she sees that she has the strength and the courage to fight her illness and become healthy again. I wish she could see herself as I do, for I know if she realized how beautiful, strong, compassionate, intelligent, and sweet she really is, she would never allow her insecurities to make her less than she is again.
If fate does not allow Ellie to return to me and the future we had talked about this past summer, I wish her well and hope that she finds love, happiness, health and success. If she can not find the strength and courage to fight her illness and return to health, I hope that God is merciful and grants her peace. I hope she knows I will always love her and care for her, as I have all of her life. I pray for her and ask that my guardian angels watch over my beloved and protect her from what they can. Be well beloved, and know you are truly loved and missed by me.