Thanksgiving 2011

Posted on Thursday 24 November 2011

Wishing all my family and friends a very Happy Thanksgiving.

May this holiday find all of you happy, healthy and safe. I ask that my beloved weather goddess watch over all of you during your travels this week. May you all have safe journeys to warm hearths and berths this week.

Even though this has been a horrific year for me personally, there is a lot I am still thankful for, and most of that has to do with the amazing people I have for friends and family.

May the holiday season bring happiness and joy to you all. May the New Year be far better than this one was. I know that for me, it pretty much has to be.

As a favor, I would ask you all to pray for Lauren Elizabeth Kelley, the woman I love, because as difficult as my year has been, her year has been far worse in many ways, though she doesn’t realize it yet. Please pray for her health and for her recovery.

She is only beginning her journey and has a long and difficult road ahead of her, with far worse to come before it starts to get better. Even after all that has happened this year, one thing I am thankful for is having her in my life, though it may not seem it at times and however difficult it may be to believe.

She is one of the strongest, smartest, wisest, most stubborn and bravest women I’ve ever known–that’s part of why I love her so, but I don’t think she even realizes how amazing she is. I believe in her. I know that the woman that loves me has the intelligence, wisdom, will, strength and courage to get better, but that it will not be easy, even for her. But, I do not know if she has the self-confidence to do so. I believe she has been using alcohol and drugs to self-medicate and try and “treat” her self-doubts and insecurities.

She may need to hit rock bottom before her strength, courage, intelligence, wisdom and will are able to overcome her self-doubts and insecurities. Something may have to happen to cause her stubbornness and feisty temper to kick in and make her fight to save herself. I have been praying that she hits rock bottom as softly and quickly as possible to reduce the risk of her permanently damaging herself, someone else or her future in the process of falling.

She is not her illness and the actions and behaviors her illness has made her do this past year are not truly hers. This is why I forgive her for the horrific things she has said and done since she fell ill. Her illness doesn’t change how I have come to feel about her or what she has come to mean to me. I will not abandon her when just when she needs me most, even if she doesn’t realize it.

We love who we love. Reason does not enter into it. In many ways, unwise love is the truest love. Anyone can love a person because. That’s as easy as putting a penny in your pocket. But to love someone despite. To know the flaws and love them too. That is rare and pure and perfect.

–Kvothe in The Wise Man’s Fear, by Patrick Rothfuss.

That is how I love Lauren Elizabeth Kelley. I KNOW who she is–I have seen the worst she can be and know her flaws, and love her despite them. She is not perfect, but when she is healthy, she is perfect for me. In any case, I love this imperfect woman perfectly.

Of course, I have loved Lauren Elizabeth Kelley all her life in some form. I have cared for her all her life. I have been her protector, adviser, confidante and one of her closest friends for much of the last decade, as I was asked to be by her parents. I have always been there for her, and she knows it. I have always been her greatest fan and biggest supporter, and always believed in her. I have always tried to help her reach her goals and succeed in accomplishing her dreams.

Despite what her father has wished to happen, I have never stopped caring for her, loving her or being her friend, regardless of the lies they have told, the horrific things she has done or whether she recognizes the truth of it or not.

Earlier this year, WHEN I SAID I love her and when she told me she loved me in two different languages, I made a commitment to her that I cannot break. I will abide by that commitment and help her if she should ask me for it.


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