Over the past few days, I’ve realized a few things about Ellie that I had not thought of before talking with several friends of mine. The conversations I’ve had with them about Ellie and what she has come to mean to me have been very enlightening—bringing up insights that probably would have taken me months to figure by myself—I tend to have some serious blind spots when it comes to my own relationships.
The most important is that the epiphany I had last Wednesday about how I have come to feel about this wonderful woman is as clear and strong to me as the one that occurred when I first spoke to Gee twelve years ago. This is something that is somewhat shocking to me, especially since the whole idea was something out of left field for me, yet it was like listening to a church bell being struck on a foggy summer morning—with nothing to distract you from that perfect sound.
The second is that I have known Ellie longer than I did Su, Gee and Yoon combined. Given the impact that those three women had on my life, this says a lot. I have probably spent more time overall with Ellie than I did with any of the three of them as well. I am also beginning to see how she has affected my life in subtle ways.
Third, it is amazing how quickly and drastically things can change. A couple of months ago, I saw Ellie for the first time in several months. It wasn’t all that unusual to not have seen her for a while, since we were both quite busy. In the past month I have seen her quite often, and I find that I miss being with her incredibly, even though I saw her less than a week ago.
Fourth, I don’t believe that Ellie has come to realize what an amazing and beautiful person she has become. I care as strongly for her as I have for anyone and find that each time I see her, I learn new things about her and the strength of my feelings grows each time.
Finally, I think that Ellie is the person Gee asked me to find ten years ago. The more time I spend with Ellie, the more sure I am of this. Gee was fairly sure that I would find someone after she was gone. I had my doubts, but it would appear that my late wife was right—again.