Surfing Usenet

Posted on Wednesday 22 February 2006

While I was reading alt.sailing.asa this morning, I came across a humorous post. I’m not sure why it was posted in alt.sailing.asa, as it really isn’t sailing related, but it is pretty funny. I thought I’d share it with you. It sounds like something my father could have written.

Things I’ve learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):

  1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
  2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
  3. A 3-year old Boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
  4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20×20 ft. room.
  5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
  6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
  7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words “uh oh”, it’s already too late.
  8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
  9. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
  10. Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
  11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
  12. Super glue is forever.
  13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.
  14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
  15. VCR’s do not eject “PB & J” sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
  16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
  17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
  18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
  19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
  20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
  21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
  22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
  23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
  24. 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
  25. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

I don’t know if all of the statements are true, but I will guess that this is a man speaking from experience. I can’t wait to teach my nephews a few things. My sister probably won’t like it, but it’ll be funny. Then again, humor is a perspective thing—the guy slipping on a banana peel is funny, unless you’re the guy slipping.

P.S. I haven’t tried the brake fluid and Clorox thing, but chlorine bleach is potent stuff so I wouldn’t be surprised.


No comments have been added to this post yet.

Leave a comment

(required)

(required)


Information for comment users
Line and paragraph breaks are implemented automatically. Your e-mail address is never displayed. Please consider what you're posting.

All comments are subject to review and approval
before being posted on this site.

Use the buttons below to customise your comment.


RSS feed for comments on this post | TrackBack URI